"I Don’t Believe In Regrets"

"I Don’t Believe In Regrets"

“middle class life”

My name is Eva Lockhart. I grew up in Milwaukee and was an only child. My parents were immigrants from Germany. I was living this perfect little childhood in a neighborhood full of kids, so I didn’t feel lonely. We were very middle class. No one was rich but everyone was very comfortable. Everyone’s parents were employed and had their own homes. There were some single parents, but they were also employed. It was a very easy childhood, and there was really no hardship. Only in becoming an adult did I realize how privileged I was.

I attended college at St. Olaf and met students who had very different upbringings. Some had struggles, some had parents who struggled, and some were completely on scholarships. One of my roommates freshman year lived in my clothes the entire year because she only had a few outfits. She was from a poor area of Chicago and came to college on a full ride scholarship. She had very little compared to me. She came home with me on Thanksgiving because her family could never afford to send for her on holidays. They couldn’t afford a plane ticket, or a train ticket, or anything. That experience in college opened my eyes to a world outside of my middle class life. I chose to become a teacher at a city school because I’ve had it easier than most and I felt obligated to give back.

Ever since I was little, I wanted to become a teacher. I used to line up my stuffed animals and pretend to be a teacher. It was just ridiculous. I played school constantly. All my little friends always had to be the students. I was always the bossy teacher. They were like, “Can we be the teacher?” and I’m like, “No.” They always listened. In retrospect I remember thinking, “My god I don’t know why they liked me cause I was so bossy!”

I loved my English teacher my senior year of high school. My high school was so lame, and I learned nothing. It was an atrocious education. I didn’t have good study skills and I skipped classes and still got A’s. My English teacher was the only one who challenged me and demanded things of me. I really respected that she cut through all the bullshit and said, “Listen I know you’re doing this, and that, and the other, and that’s not good for you as a person and ya better straighten out.” That definitely touched a cord. I wrote her a card like five years into my career telling her that she was my biggest influence in becoming a teacher.

“I felt obligated to give back”

I attended college at St. Olaf and met students who had very different upbringings. Some had struggles, some had parents who struggled, and some were completely on scholarships. One of my roommates freshman year lived in my clothes the entire year because she only had a few outfits. She was from a poor area of Chicago and came to college on a full ride scholarship. She had very little compared to me. She came home with me on Thanksgiving because her family could never afford to send for her on holidays. They couldn’t afford a plane ticket, or a train ticket, or anything. That experience in college opened my eyes to a world outside of my middle class life. I chose to become a teacher at a city school because I’ve had it easier than most and I felt obligated to give back.

(St.Olaf College located in Northfield, Minnesota)

However, I didn’t go right into teaching. After St. Olaf, I went into business. I got hired by a big company and worked in business for eight years. I was really bored after the first couple years, but it was good money and I had small children so I wasn’t going to quit my job. After my kids got to be school age, I was like, “ I’m going back to school to get my teaching license and my masters because I can’t do this business stuff anymore. This is not what I want to do.” After school, I got lucky and got a job so it worked out.

I love literature, and that is definitely part of why I like teaching, but I like to work with people. I have the chance to joke around and deal with young people, which I think helps keep me young, the attitudes and all the different things going on in their lives. It’s much more lively than working in an office. Plus, I get to be active. I’m up on my feet and walking around verses sitting in a cubicle in some office in front of a computer all day, which gets really old and tiresome to me. I also feel like young people are our future. I’m doing something meaningful with my life as a teacher.

“I never get bored”

I had friends who were also teachers, but they teached in the suburbs. Once they heard that I was teaching here in North Minneapolis, they were shocked. I like teaching a lot at a Henry because there was a lot to offer with the students that attended there. There was so many cultures, languages, and experiences. I just felt like urban kids were more real and they have experienced a lot of different things. So it didn’t bug me that I was working there. It was interesting and fun. The diversity there just made it even more interesting.

(Patrick Henry High School located in North Minneapolis, Minnesota)

Through teaching, I think I’m more appreciative of specific cultures. I knew nothing of the Hmong culture before I started working at Henry, like nothing. I was completely ignorant that people called the Hmong, existed. I’ve learned so much from my students, and that’s just one example. I feel like my job keeps me learning all the time, not just about literature and different teaching techniques, but about different people's lives and experiences. That’s what really cool about being a teacher: learning right alongside my students and learning from each other. I have some bad days, but I never have boring days, EVER, which is pretty cool.

I always hoped that a couple of my students will become a teacher because it’s an interesting job. I never get bored, I hang out with young people, but never with stuffy, annoying people. I get to dress casually, hallelujah. I work with some of the smartest people I know, and they’re a very diverse group of people too. They come from all walks of life. There is the benefit of having some time off. I put in a lot of time and a lot of energy through a school year, but I do get to recharge my battery during school breaks. Where I grew up, corporate, was like two weeks vacation, done. Two weeks is not a lot of time, it means working fifty weeks a year. Whereas in teaching I get Christmas, spring, and then I get summer, and I just think it makes you a more well-rounded person to get some time to travel, reflect, and pursue hobbies.

“I’m an actor”

The first hour I have to  pretend that I’m awake, so I am really perky like “Hey how are you?” It’s a total act. It’s a complete acting job. Someone once said “Teaching is like five live shows a day,” and that’s really true. It’s like I’m an actor, and I’m acting five times a day in little mini one act plays all day long.

I think two of the most important characteristics as a teacher is patience and a sense of humor. There are many times where I’ve said very bad, things in my head. Luckily I’m like “No, I’m going to be patient.” I don’t want to be fired, so I’m not going to say those things out loud. Instead, I’m patiently standing there thinking bad thoughts, but nothing is coming out of my mouth. I just give a smile, then the moment passes and then you move on. Sometimes that pays off, being very patient and having a laugh. You have to have a sense of humor because if you can’t laugh and joke around with the kids, then they think it’s too serious. I have had teachers who are really knowledgeable in their subject area, but they didn’t have a sense of humor, and they weren’t patient, and then nobody liked them. I think you can get away with making kids do more work if they kind of respect and like you. You don’t have to like the person who’s teaching you, but it’s really helpful if you do.

"I have no pride"

Some days, I reward kids with silly stories. I do feel that stories bring me and my students closer to one another where we can relate with one another. Usually the stories are about my daughters or my crazy nephew in the basement, but my most famous one is probably my boy scout story.

It was a camping trip at the Boundary Waters, up near Canada. What I didn’t realize camping out with a big group, especially of many guys, is that I became really shy. I could always change in my tent and stuff, but I found myself unable to go to the bathroom other than to pee. It became like four days and it was just so uncomfortable by then. Finally, the guys all decided to go fishing and there was my chance. I grabbed the toilet paper, and I ran. The toilet was a pit that had a box over it with a lid, so that bears won’t go in it. It was up on a hill, so when you are using the bathroom, you get this beautiful scenery of the birch trees and the lake. One of the thought that crossed my mind was, “Wow. I’m here, going to the bathroom in the wilderness. Look at this beautiful view as I’m going to the bathroom, interesting”. I finally relax and finish my goal, but just as I was about to get up, I hear something. I look and there’s a flotilla of eight canoes filled with boy scouts. They come around the corner and are now are directly in front of me and I hear one of the boys go, “LOOK AT THE LADY ON THE BOX!”. I’m sitting there with my pants around my ankles, and I could not move because if I stood up, then they really see something far more interesting than just my knees. I’m pulling my clothes as tightly to me as I can, but there I was, sitting and couldn’t move. They’re all taking pictures with their camera, so now I am on a whole bunch of people’s pictures as the “lady on the box”. While the boy scout leader was trying to turn the canoe, there’s like 25 little boys pointing at me. When they had finally left, I slunk back into the campsite and thought to myself, “That’s it. I am never going to go camping again.”. I don’t know if all teachers tell students about an experience like that, but why not? I have no pride.

“If you really care about it, you’ll worry”

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about the students in school. I lay awake like,”Alright what am I going to do tomorrow? How can I convince this kid that English is important, his grades are important?”. And then I’m like “It’s four in the morning! What am I doing?” But I think that happens. If you really care about it, you’ll worry.

There are some kids you have to work harder to get through. Different things work with different kids. Sometimes they just need a private talk of the real deal or they just need a hug. There’s this trust that they can share things with me and I won’t go and spread anything around. I have had a few experiences of where I felt I couldn’t get through certain kids sometimes, so I go and ask other teachers what to do. I’ve only given up a few times, but usually, if you try a lot of things, something will work. I still get emails, phone calls, and text messages from students who have already graduated to tell me they appreciate me for what I have done to them. There are times where I run into them at places like the Mall of America, downtown, or wherever, and they would come running to give me a hug. They like me so much and I am like, “Why? I yelled at you so much last year.” These relationships and friendships are just what you kinda build over the years with students.

“I don’t believe in regrets ”

I had a totally, totally different view in college. Art history was my minor, so I thought I was going to work in a museum. I study abroad for a semester, so I thought, “Oh, I’ll go live abroad”. I was in the school play, so I thought of becoming an actress. I thought I would have like, four to five kids, but I only have two. I never thought I would work in North Minneapolis for eighteen years and be so happy. I have never thought I would meet some of my closest friends here at Patrick Henry because I had always assume that the friends I made in high school or college was always going be my only close friends. I did not envision any of that and I have no regrets. I don’t believe in regrets because I think experiences make you grow, change, and become a better person. I was very self involved, very spoiled, and really thought only about me. Teaching has definitely made become more of a better person.

(Right: Eva Lockhart, Left: Chad Owen)

Image Sources:

1. http://www.usnews.com/img/college-photo_5194._445x280-zmm.jpg

2. https://bringmethenews.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/patrick-henry-high-school-google-maps.png?w=458

3. Yang, Lia. Eva Lockart and Chad Owen. National Honor Society Picnic. May 25, 2015.

Story Faciliators:

Billy Silbernagel, Lia Yang, and Amanda Wolski